Minnesota
by Heinrich Himmler

Deep in a bunker under the besieged city of Minneapolis, I clicked my heels and listened as President Trump said, “I have some serious problems up there.”

“Yes, sir. Most regrettable.”

“I guarantee those bastards stole the presidential election three straight times in Minnesota, but Democrat traitors claimed I never got more than forty-seven percent.”

“That shows the weakness of democracy. Soon after the Fuehrer became chancellor, he began outlawing other parties and races and filled the streets with tough but primitive SA roughnecks. I urged the Fuehrer to let me build a more professional paramilitary and law enforcement organization, the SS. That’s what you need.”

“I’ve got three thousand ICE agents right here in Minneapolis. That’s five times more than the number of police in this city, but many of the police in this cesspool are against me.”

“Forgive me, Mr. President, but you need superbly trained stormtroops who are beholden only to you.”

“Would you be willing to serve as a senior advisor?”

I clicked my heels and said, “Yes, sir.”

“I’d like to put you in charge of the whole organization, but that would be politically difficult.”

“Indeed, my involvement would have to be confidential.”
President Trump, who the Fuehrer would’ve admired and placed second in command, pointed up to the city and said, “That place is a shithole. Crime’s out of control. Illegal aliens are everywhere. And this is one of the blackest cities this side of Africa. Twenty percent of the population is African and twenty-five thousand of those were actually born there, twenty thousand from Somalia, which has got to be the worst place in the world. They’ve brought a lot of bad habits with them, and I need to send them back home. And not only blacks. Minneapolis also has ten percent Latinos, many undocumented.”

I shook my head in disgust and said, “That certainly would’ve been intolerable in the Third Reich.”

“How the hell would you have dealt with this racial cesspool, Heinrich?”

“I guarantee I could take care of it, but I need to know if you’re willing, and politically able, to take the necessary measures. Are you as brave and committed as the Fuehrer?”

“I’m not actually trying to emulate the Fuehrer, but I’d like to hear your ideas.”

I again clicked my heels, snapping them hard, and said, “There are two ways to solve this problem. You would have to either deport the undesirables or kill them or a combination of the two.”

“I want to keep getting tougher but, frankly, not quite that tough. World War II ended eighty years ago. We don’t go nearly that far in the United States.”

I hesitated before I said, “President Trump, your country spent three centuries slaughtering and starving the American Indians. The Fuehrer sometimes publicly reminded President Roosevelt that we modeled our concentration camps on your Indian reservations. And of course, you also had almost three centuries of slavery.”

“Those were different times, Heinrich. Last year my agents scared hell out of the bad guys in Los Angeles and prevented race riots. We didn’t kill a single person there. And in Washington D.C. my agents, primarily by their presence, frightened the criminals into obeying the law, and we made the city safe for families to leave their homes. Here in Minneapolis recently, we had to kill a female terrorist who tried to use her car as a weapon and run over agents who just wanted to question her. She was only the third person we’ve killed in self-defense since I returned as president. And we’ve only wounded eight others.”
I must have looked dumbfounded. “Let me understand this, Mr. President. Your undertrained forces have only shot eleven criminals and subhumans in the last year? In Germany we often shot that many in a minute.”

“I don’t want anything like that. I’m a pretty good guy.”

“So you don’t plan to take decisive steps about your nation getting darker and darker?”

“We’ve already deported two hundred thousand illegal aliens since I regained power.”

“That’s encouraging. What about the far larger number people who remain?”

“I’ve threatened to send the army into any city that riots or tries to steal the mid-term elections in November.”

“Have you considered deporting undesirables to Greenland?”

“No, I haven’t, Heinrich. I’m too nice for that. I only send people back where they came from except some bad dudes I sometimes send to the Terrorism Confinement Center, that great high security prison in El Salvador. Would you like to visit it?”

“Of course.”

“Fine, I’ll call President Bukele and arrange a tour.”

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