April 7, 2013
Flanked by secret service agents I entered Oval Office and was stunned to see several people circled around presidential desk, inhaling, coughing, and passing pungent marijuana. As female aide placed joint to lips President Barack Obama lunged by three people, snatched smoke from her hands, shouted, “Intercepted,” and took deep drag he long held, as eyes watered, before explosive exhalation.
“Mr. President, I thought you stopped smoking,” I said.
“I’m trying to quit smoking cigarettes which stink like hell and induce cancer, emphysema, heart attacks and more. Michelle won’t kiss after I smoke.”
“What about pot?”
“But it’s illegal.”
“Not really. I’ve always believed pot’s de facto fine for private use. And several minutes ago I decreed it’s legal.”
“Can you do that?”
“Certainly, I’m implementing will of American people who by landslide 52-45 margin want pot legal.”
“I quit years ago because it made lethargic. Millions young people will suffer.”
“I honked big time and did all right. They too can and must overcome.”
“Republicans in Congress are going to squawk.”
“Top ones are coming here tonight and won’t leave till eyes bloodshot and White House refrigerator empty.”