Calling Bibi

by Donald Trump

 My aide called Benjamin Netanyahu and his assistant said, “The prime minister is in a meeting. He’ll call President Trump as soon as he can.”

I waited five minutes, ten minutes and more, way too long, before I said, “I’ll call him myself,” and I did.

“He’s still in the meeting, Mr. President,” said the aide. “I’ll tell him you called as soon as he’s finished.”

Squeezing the phone, I said, “Get in there and tell him I said his meeting is over and I expect a return call right away.”

“Yes, sir.”

In two minutes my Oval Office phone rang and I picked up and heard, “Donald, my dear friend. Thank you so much for calling. I got here as soon as I could.”

“Were you meeting someone more important?”

“Of course not. There is no such person.”

            “Right, I’m the guy you promised Iran would fold if I joined your fight, and now it feels like the whole world is calling both of us criminals while the international economy tanks because of your incompetence. ”

“Just a minute, Donald. You’re attacking Iran for the same reasons we are, to prevent the fanatics in control there from threatening us with nuclear weapons and, in the meantime, funding Hezbollah and Hamas and other terroristic organizations who want to destroy democracy. Right now, my duty is to protect the people of northern Israel.”

“You can be a hero soon enough, Bibi. You know damn well I brilliantly arranged a two-week ceasefire, but you killed three hundred fifty people in southern Lebanon the first day. You’ve got to stop bombing Hezbollah so my new diplomatic team can negotiate with the Iranians.”

“The ceasefire doesn’t include Lebanon.”

“Yeah, I know, but the Iranians and others, even the Europeans, say it does.”

“Mr. President, I want to emphasize how important it is for Israel to continue bombing Lebanon. They’re firing missiles at us. This is our chance to stop them forever.”

“Cut back a little so my guys, led by Vice President Vance, can try to get us the hell out of this war.”

Bibi asked, “Will Jared Kushner and Steve Witkoff be part of your team in Islamabad?”

“Yeah, they’ll be assisting Vance.”

“Israel’s always comforted when Jared and Steve are involved.”

“You do understand me, right?”

“I’ll get it stopped as soon as I can, Mr. President, but some of our planes may already be in the air.”

“Call them back. Do whatever you’ve got to. I’m not sending negotiators halfway around the world so angry Iranians can pull out.”

Bibi didn’t stop bombing but he may have slowed down enough to convince Iran to let critical talks begin.