Health
Health Nut
Health Nut by Robert F. Kennedy Jr. I love going to the Oval Office. My uncle, President John F. Kennedy, used to work there and my father, Senator Robert F. Kennedy, would have worked there, too. I felt I had a pretty good chance in 2024 but the Democrats betrayed me, ignoring my warnings about…
Flint Water
This story is from the rousing campaign book “King Donald”
Bathroom Slip
At age eighteen Bill tossed everything into his old car and moved to L.A, yearning for a life of wealth, women, and major league sports close up. He knew he was destined for distinction, he just had to figure how to proceed. He’d gotten a job sweeping concrete floors and stacking boxes in a south…
Reunion
Sorry to hear about funeral but excited to read invitation list of friends long unseen who’ll be there. What memories: college, girlfriends, wives, businesses. We said we’d never lose touch but we did. Now for a little while we’ll be like we were. Then we’ll find out who dies.
Sleep Issues
Driving elbow into ribs, Patti said, “Quit snoring.” As Bill did not waken, she drilled again. “What hell?” “You’re ruining sleep.” “You don’t sleep,” he said. “Because you always roll around and snort like pig.” “That’s not why.” “Go to guest bedroom.” Bill complied and was soon snoring. Patti stared at dark ceiling and wondered…
Aching Back
Ignoring lower back pain daily getting sharper, Clyde eased into bed and next morning reached for radio alarm foot away but couldn’t lean that far, couldn’t lean at all, as if concrete encased lower back. Okay, just relax. This will pass. It better. Radio was grinding static. He reached few times before turning onto belly,…
Taco Delight
At party after son’s baptism host offers me taco I bite and chew thinking this is worst ever had but maybe I’m mistaken. Since tacos are always good I try another bite and gag and almost vomit before parting tortilla to see not ground beef but something like guts oozing nightmarish white. What’s this stuff,…
The Tourista Strikes in Quito
I don’t know which foods polluted, or at least agitated, my digestive tract, but I believe this misfortune began at one of Quito’s most beautiful hotels, a place graced with superb artwork and guarded by suave young men in suits. Downstairs, at a Thursday breakfast buffet before an early-morning conference about internet business opportunities, I…
The Tumble
An old woman carefully descended steps of a museum amphitheater, stopped at the second row from the front, and said, “Excuse me.” I immediately rose, and she planted about half her foot on the step, a semi-high heel hanging over, spun ninety degrees and fell, her hips landing on the first step and then her…
Security Dreams
Night before first day as security guard John seldom stopped twisting and wife retreated to sofa. After work he happily returned home and reported job wasn’t stressful as anticipated. Few weeks later he began to occasionally snooze at post. Following month someone used cell phone to immortalize peaceful John on Facebook. In morning boss fired.…
Big Sneeze
After hosting amorous boyfriend Sunday night and pounding treadmill half hour early Monday morning, popular high school math teacher Martha H drove to school, parked car, and walked toward class, confident she’d have another great week. She sneezed after shutting car door, and nose and sinuses had tickly, cleaned out feeling that became more pleasurable…
Bashar al-Assad’s New Hippocratic Oath
bashar al-assad distinguished opthamologist has revised hippocratic oath at gunpoint demanding doctors foreswear treating injured patients in syrian hospitals
Flowers
flowery serpents crawl into lungs
Christmas Food
thirty years merry company christmas parties no one damaged evident act of god no longer assured worries new boss banning festivities since every year food sickens millions hospitalizes thousands kills hundreds
Health in Good Old Days
Sometimes Joe wishes born hundred years earlier so could’ve ridden horses to work and avoided traffic, television, radio, phones, computers, and other intrusive stuff, usually, though, he remembers kindergarten encephalitis would’ve killed before spinal taps, and junior high knee cutting off blood would’ve ruined leg without precision surgery, and anxiety would’ve destroyed before tranquilizers, and…
Chiseled Boxer
boxer chisels body to prepare brain for slaughter
Summer Walk
summer sundown man in wheelchair cooler than fast walkers
Twilight Next Door
Soon after moving into current home Joe walked out front to trim bushes and met next door neighbors, lady and gentleman both about eighty. She introduced herself and said, “This is George.” Joe said hello and enjoyed lady’s vivacity and charm but thought what rude bastard husband was, bearing silly semi-smile and not looking at…
Death of a Teacher
Immersed in my own trivial but heartfelt concerns, the principal of which was that my six-week summer vacation had, as ever, lasted at least a fortnight too long and, despite a couple of stimulating vacations, left me feeling isolated and resentful and anxious to return to the camaraderie and energy of a large adult school.…
Elbow Revolt
Late last summer my left elbow all at once began aching when I dressed and undressed or opened and closed a door. It groaned during light exercises, throbbed as I sat with bent arms poised over the computer keyboard, and wailed in the bleak hours of night. You can no longer deny it’s a problem,…