One State or Two

February 19, 2017

I knew I was going to be a hell of a president but, frankly, I underestimated myself. I’ve got a great feel for diplomacy and international relations. Did you see me at the news conference last week with Prime Minister Abe after the North Koreans had test fired another ballistic missile? I coolly let the…

Read More

Deadly Numbers

November 18, 2015

I was an Iraqi professor of statistics until the United States and later ISIS destroyed my classroom and much of the university. I suppose I should thank each group for attacking when school wasn’t in session, but I believe that may have been coincidental. At any rate, like civilized people everywhere, I commiserate with the…

Read More

Saudis Defend Refugee Policies

September 18, 2015

We in the Kingdom of Saudi Arabia are most chagrined by quite ignorant insults about our unwillingness to accept refugees from imploding Syria. It’s unconscionable, say arrogant Westerners, that the Saudis can’t welcome some of their Arab brothers and sisters who’ve been displaced by an enduring civil war; these refugees share the same language and…

Read More

Saddam Confronts Netanyahu

March 8, 2015

After Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s most recent sermon to the Congress of the United States, he marched into his palatial D.C. hotel suite where Saddam Hussein romped with several robust young women. The political titans excused their guests and bodyguards, and this conversation, preserved by a Mossad recording device, followed: Benjamin Netanyahu – What the…

Read More

Saddam Counters Islamic State

June 15, 2014

Thankfully I’m an empathetic man or I would’ve hammered my driver into the head of the flunky who interrupted my backswing on the gorgeous eighteenth tee at Doral. He said he was an aide to President Barack Obama and urged me to help save Iraq and the Middle East and vital American and Israeli interests.…

Read More

Dick Cheney Speaks

June 17, 2013

Thank God I’m healthy and on TV to warn Barack Obama is lousy president and responsible for IRS persecuting conservatives and terrorists murdering several Americans in Benghazi. I, by contrast, am proud national security expert who protected you on 9/11 and strategic wizard who more than anyone, except underling President Bush, saved American lives by…

Read More

State of the Union

January 26, 2012

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Read More

Historian Presents the Statistics of War

May 12, 2010

I bumbled by that smoking, manure-laden vehicle that didn’t explode in New York City last week and felt foolish I wasn’t the one who detected it and that I should have since I’ve spent my career analyzing wars but concede I’m only a historian, hiding in academia, who would’ve cringed at the sound of real…

Read More


November 21, 2006

I’m not going to tell whether as security officer I serve old Baathists, new Sunnis, Sadr Shiites, Iranian Shiites, autonomous Kurds, Christians, or CIA operatives. I can’t tell you because I often don’t know. Look what happened November fourteenth – year doesn’t matter – at Ministry of Education research center: several dozen men driving pickup…

Read More

Congressman John Murtha Tells Truth about Iraq, GOP Bleats, Demos Bolt

November 26, 2005

Tough and forthright Pennsylvania Congressman John Murtha recently told the truth about United States involvement in Iraq and for that good service was bombarded by vitriol from Republicans and the stampeding feet of retreating fellow Democrats.  Evidently, most leading Democrats in congress either agree with the current fight-fight-damn-the-consequences policy of President George W. Bush or…

Read More

Letter to President Bush: Try to Stabilize Iraq, then Leave

May 23, 2005

Dear President Bush, Let’s relax a few minutes and acknowledge that you are the most powerful man in the world, and the United States is fighting another war in Iraq, and the war is already more than two years old and the insurgency more deadly than ever and that your strategic reasoning for putting troops…

Read More

Explosions and Elections in the Middle East

March 6, 2005

Several days ago Iraqi insurgents in Hilla detonated a massive car bomb scattering body parts and clothes onto a street puddled with blood.  About one hundred twenty people died and many more were wounded.  Most of the victims – typically – were unarmed, unprepared, and lightly guarded recruits for the army and police.  They were…

Read More

Courageous Iraqis Prepare to Vote

January 30, 2005

It is most ironic that a historic political event in Iraq – the first free election – is, or should be, a fundamentally apolitical occurrence in the United States and other democratic countries.  Today – January 30, 2005 – everyone who believes in liberty is in the same cheering section.  For at least a day…

Read More

Saddam Back on Stage as Insurgency Grows

July 11, 2004

The man’s a bona fide survivor, isn’t he? Hundreds of thousands of his victims inside and outside Iraq are dead. His sons are dead. Thousands of people mired in the mess he left have recently died. But Saddam Hussein lives on. He’s harder to kill than a cockroach in the deepest crevice, more difficult to…

Read More

Gaddafi’s Daughter Joins Saddam’s Exciting Legal Team

July 9, 2004

Google and Yahoo are search engines of astonishing reach and daily utility but I’m a little disappointed in them tonight: they were only able to provide one picture of Aisha Gaddafi, daughter of Muammar and newest member of the rapidly growing Saddam legal team that now numbers twenty-one professional and hundreds of volunteer lawyers.  If…

Read More

What Are the Iraqis and Saudis Going to Do?

June 21, 2004

We can long debate what the United States should do about the recent beheading of two of its citizens in Iraq and Saudi Arabia. Most will agree the murderers should be captured and punished. But how can that be done? Will a police-style manhunt, orchestrated by the military, be enough? Or, as many in the…

Read More

Surgery on Iraq

May 25, 2004

Let’s cut the bullshit – the stuff that so often comes from the mouths of leaders everywhere – and deal with some facts: The Bush administration repeatedly lied about the capabilities and intentions of Iraq to do harm to the United States. The Bush administration was internationally condemned for even contemplating an attack on a…

Read More