Kim Il Sung

Update: Kim Jong Un

August 13, 2021

Sometimes my devoted people love me so much they respond in ways even I find embarrassing. This has never been truer than when my recent loss of forty fat pounds prompted millions to virtually weep in the streets as they worried about life without their Dear Leader. There are times, though not many, when I…

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Super Kim Jong Un

April 10, 2013

I don’t fear starving people. They love my fat face. I worry about generals who pray I’m not tough as Father and Grandfather, generals who may want my place. They can’t have it. They’re learning I’m strongest Kim yet. I’ve already captured, jailed, and tortured North Korean fishermen, and fired missiles able to carry nuclear…

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Korean Wail

January 18, 2012

tried to cry for kim jong il but could not my brother cried loudly but without dramatic skill now we rehearse in jail

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Kim Jong-Il Attacks Again

November 29, 2010

Don’t dare celebrate Western exaggerations that my body’s withered by a stroke and my face twisted into a mask of fading comprehension. I’m still mighty Kim Jong-Il and determined to confront those who claim they’re blessed with freedom and nutrition but are in fact imperialistic criminals using economic sanctions to punish my starving North Korean…

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Kim Jong Il Celebrates Sixty Years of War

July 5, 2010

I am in splendid health. Reports of my suffering strokes and other debilitating maladies are simply the delusions of enemies who refuse to admit that the great North Korean nation built by my late father, Kim Il Sung, and I is a fountain of wealth, happiness, and awesome military power. I recently celebrated my good…

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