Short Pieces – GTC
Typhoon in the Philippines
Wish I’d stayed in the mountains but years ago moved to the coast and became a fisherman and usually did pretty well and survived countless typhoons, annual curses in the Philippines, by grabbing my family and rushing into mountains which weren’t always hospitable flooding down toward us but we’d always dodged. This time, before we…
Read MorePrime Real Estate
Come on in. This Tijuana home may be modest but it’s yours for a tenth you’d pay in San Diego. Now, step back here and check out the kitchen. You won’t have to go out front or back doors. Leave through this fine tunnel and relax in the little rail car rolling seven hundred yards…
Read MoreGodane Wants You
Bin Laden considered me extreme and sneered when I wrote, “At your service, Osama.” Good riddance. Al Qaeda’s irrelevant. Come and join Shabaab. I shall liberate all Muslims. As a prerequisite I’ve eliminated many former allies who were soft and didn’t understand we must ceaselessly destroy invading Kenyans and Somali traitors and foreign teachers and…
Read MoreSaudi Woman Driver
Last night as aroused husband attempted to mount I closed legs and said, “Give me the keys. I’ve places to go in the morning.” “I’ll take you.” “You’ll be at work.” “My brother’ll drive.” “He’ll be late if he comes at all. Give me the keys.” “You can’t drive. It’s contrary to Saudi law and…
Read MoreNew Iranian President
I am Hassan Rouhani, new president of Iran and most reasonable and educated man. I speak Persian, Arabic, and English well, received law degree in Scotland, and have served Iran in many high military, diplomatic, and political offices. No one has more relevant experience. I understand people and universal need for expression and think you…
Read MoreShorty Belton
Bombs, bullets, bayonets, and insanity dominate island Okinawa in spring 1945 as American soldiers kill hundred thousand Japanese soldiers who kill and wound sixty-five thousand Americans, and both slaughter thousands of natives. Someone shoots Shorty Belton in leg. He’s lucky, surviving in relative good health, and returns to Spokane where he marries, raises family, works…
Read MoreKarzai Angry
I’m often angry. Afghanistan’s been at war decades and American ally continues to kill many civilians. Last week in eastern Kunar province drone blew up four women and four children in addition to three alleged terrorists. Afghans wail when this happens and demand I evict Americans. I’d like to. I want high-tech killers out. I…
Read MoreLast Bodyguard
I study painting like young Fuehrer but as he did abandon studio to protect Fatherland. Stalin’s hordes are occupying other half of Poland in 1939 when someone shoots me in chest. Go home, superiors say. No, I can still serve. They agree and I soon earn introduction to Fuehrer who speaks politely and allows me…
Read MoreBack Yard Hole
What’re you doing home, Fred, wife said. Sick of job. How’ll we live. Fred didn’t answer. He grabbed shovel in garage, put on work gloves, walked into back yard, and started digging. He dug fast, heaving dirt far as possible, and hole got wide and deep by sundown. What in God’s name, said wife. Fred…
Read MoreAssad Gas Company
Obama has red line between eyes that means I can use gas whenever. I don’t want to every day, only when I need to. Sometimes I need to gas children and other sleeping civilians who understand I must keep power. Only I am qualified to lead. Before I took over, only Father was fit. Syria…
Read MoreInside Fire
Last Friday lightning ignites dry hills near Prescott and we twenty guys in Hotshot Crew put on helmets, backpacks, and other gear, preparing to stop or at least limit fire threatening to destroy homes and thousands of acres. We drive into hills and Sunday afternoon turn on chainsaw to rip incendiary chaparral from earth and…
Read MoreMorsi the Great
I detest people who doubt I’m ideal President of Egypt. I oppose tyranny and always did in years as activist in Muslim Brotherhood. Now I’m battling reactionary elements of former regime trying to regain power and repress liberty. I don’t allow courts to help enemies of progress. I ignore them and godless parties seeking to…
Read MoreSilvio Berlusconi
Those saying I’m thief and libertine are fools. I’m suave multi-billionaire media mogul who as prime minister and consummate politician dominated Italy for generation. Regrettably, latest idiots are three dowdy female judges, jealous of Berlusconi allure for gorgeous young women, who sentenced me to seven years prison and banned from politics for life. They won’t…
Read MorePray for Heat
Sunbathers and other celebrities believe Miami Heat certain to beat Indiana Pacers in series tied at two. I say lunch pail Pacers have five of eight best players, hobbled Dwayne Wade and Chris Bosh aren’t second and third after LeBron James, and big Pacers Roy Hibbert, David West, and Paul George outrebounded all Heat in…
Read MoreUpdate JFK
Mister President sorry to reveal Bobby was assassinated in sixty-eight right after winning California primary. Jackie fled to marry Aristotle Onassis and died of cancer at age sixty-four. Dashing John John was popular but crashed plane when only thirty-eight. Caroline’s fine but says you know a lot.
Read More