Steroids

Mental Steroids

June 28, 2015

A physician of renown I certainly am, though for a generation I have focused most of my intellect on the rather irrelevant albeit stimulating task of helping athletes run faster, jump higher, hit more home runs, and register more knockouts with shoulder pads and fists. Only in recent years have activists tried to persuade me…

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Jose Canseco Shall Revolutionize Life

February 11, 2005

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to my coronation,” said Jose Canseco. “I thought this was a press conference,” said a reporter. “It is rather more than that, you insufferable simpleton.  How much do you make a year?” “About fifty grand.” “I made that every three days.” “Not anymore.  That’s why you’re doing this.” “Money will henceforth…

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Babe Ruth on Steroids

February 11, 2005

“Boys, it’s great to be back.  Too bad it’s off season.  I haven’t been anywhere since 1948, and I’m ready to play.” “Babe, have you had time to read Jose Canseco’s book ‘Juiced’ that says eighty percent of major league baseball players used steroids?” a reporter asked. “Just finished it.” “Do you consider the new…

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