i look like sinister kgb
chief yet charm russians
as masculine action man
judo throwing men over
my hip horseback riding
bare chest muscles bright
in sun hunting and fishing

russians know my leadership
saved from chaos following
biggest geopolitical disaster
twentieth century crumbling
soviet union i established order
led economic boom and denounced
united states for imperialistic
foreign policy

i didn’t say so eighty percent
russians who supported me did
vladimir putin’s strongest russian
leader since stalin i’m not stalin
wouldn’t kill millions political
opponents in fact only handful got
shot few lying journalists other
enemies protesting my vital reforms

now thousands demonstrators
bellyaching in streets so what
they’re paid agents of west their
emblematic white ribbons condoms
they should put on tongues
instead of lie that december
parliamentary elections fraudulent

absurd my united russia party lost
twenty five percent seats in fair
election we’re still majority
not party of crooks and thieves
foreign agents cry they know
i’ll regain presidency in march
election already yelling fraud

what’s fake is opposition lacks
unity and any candidate who’ll
get even twenty percent against
me why they worry after
first eight years president
stepped aside four years as prime
minister now returning for
probable three more terms
projecting only twenty years
on top that’s less than stalin