Floyd Mayweather in Hot Tub

April 17, 2014

Home » Commentary » Floyd Mayweather in Hot Tub

“Ladies, it’s a whole lot better being in this fancy hot tub in my Las Vegas mansion than in a sweaty arena, isn’t it?”

“Yeees,” gushed all but one.

“You should be there,” said a lovely young woman. “You need to prepare to fight the winner, who’s going to be Manny Pacquiao.”

“Who’re you?”

“I’m Raquel from Manila.”

“Who invited you?”

“One of your assistants.”

Floyd frowned and looked at a couple of employees guarding the entrance. They shook their heads.

“Guaranteed, Timothy Bradley will handle Pacquiao again,” Floyd said.

“Manny in fact handled him the first time, which I’m sure you know, and will again. He’s too quick and strong for Bradley.”

“Let’s keep it real. Pacquiao lost to Bradley, who’d I’d easily beat, and against Juan Manuel Marquez he really lost those two gift decisions he got, along with the draw, before Marquez destroyed him in their fourth fight. I beat Marquez so bad he flat out said he never wanted a rematch.”

“Since you’re a leader in the war against performance enhancing drugs,” said Raquel, “I’m surprised you haven’t denounced Marquez for magically transforming himself from a skinny guy – the one you fought – into the linebacker who landed the right hand of a lifetime against Manny.”

“Look at the record. I’m undefeated, the greatest of all time. I don’t need Pacquiao. I’m the highest paid athlete in the world without him.”

“Manny’s no longer asking for half the gate. He says he’ll accept sixty-forty for you.”

“Why should I do that? I’m my own boss. I get the whole gate. Pacquiao’s just an employee of Bob Arum.”

“What would it take, financially, for you to fight Manny?”

“This isn’t about money. Floyd Mayweather already earns more than any athlete in history. I don’t want to fight a cheater. Little Manny was one-oh-six and then he starts destroying welterweights. That doesn’t happen in nature.”

“Manny was one-oh-six when he was sixteen. He built himself up gradually. You used to be a lot lighter, too.”

“My growth was all natural. Look at Pacquiao’s head now. It’s twice the size it used to be. That’s not right. We’re in the hurting business, and what he’s done is dangerous to his opponents, but no one does anything. Look at Barry Bonds, all he did was hit baseballs, and they want to throw him in jail for years.”

“Manny has agreed to be randomly tested the same way you and Olympic athletes are,” said Raquel. “That’s what you demanded. So he’s complied with that as well as the division of the purse.”

“My health is more important to me than money or titles or historical reputation. You think I want to risk getting crippled so people can someday say: ‘Floyd beat Manny Pacquiao.’”

“I commend you for being so concerned about health. Historically, far too few boxers have respected their well-being,” Raquel said. “But I don’t understand. You often say, as you have again tonight, that Pacquiao is much inferior to you, and you cite his and your Juan Manuel Marquez fights as examples. Then you contradict yourself and say that ferocious Manny could imperil your health. So, which is it, Floyd?”

Motioning to his sentinels, Floyd said, “Get this windbag out of here.”

As he approached the hot tub one of the men said, “By the way, we just heard, Pacquiao won a unanimous decision over Bradley.”

“It was either a gift decision or Pacquiao’s back on drugs. Either way, Floyd Mayweather doesn’t care.”

Turning around at the exit, Raquel said, “Funny thing is, I think you’d outpoint Manny rather handily.”

Editorial notes: I’d like to thank Floyd for granting me a place in the hot tub, though he insisted I put my shirt back on to cover what he said was “too much loose flesh.” When I asked him to please respond to Raquel’s final question, he also had me evicted. Fortuitously, Raquel gave me a ride back to my hotel where we discussed pugilism until dawn.

George Thomas Clark

George Thomas Clark is the author of Hitler Here, a biographical novel published in India and the Czech Republic as well as the United States. His commentaries for GeorgeThomasClark.com are read in more than 50 countries a month.

Recent Commentary

Books

HITLER HERE is a well researched and lyrically written biographical novel offering first-person stories by the Fuehrer and a variety of other characters. This intimate approach invites the reader to peer into Hitler’s mind, talk to Eva Braun, joust with Goering, Goebbels, and Himmler, debate with the generals, fight on land and at sea and…
See More
Art history and fiction merge to reveal the lives and emotions of great painters Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Frida Kahlo, Diego Rivera, William H. Johnson, Lee Krasner, and many others.
See More
This fast-moving collection blends fiction and movie history to illuminate the stimulating lives and careers of noted actors, actresses, and directors. Stars of this book include Humphrey Bogart, Clark Gable, Marilyn Monroe, Bette Davis, Alfred Hitchcock, Clint Eastwood, Cate Blanchett, and Spike Lee.
See More
In this collection of thirty-eight chiseled short stories, George Thomas Clark introduces readers to actors, alcoholics, addicts, writers famous and unknown, a general, a lovelorn farmer, a family besieged by cancer, extraterrestrials threatening the world, a couple time traveling back to a critical battle, a deranged husband chasing his wife, and many more memorable people…
See More
Anne Frank On Tour and Other Stories
This lively collection offers literary short stories founded on History, Love, Need, Excess, and Final Acts.
See More
In lucid prose author George Thomas Clark recalls the challenges of growing up in a family beset by divorce, depression, and alcoholism, and battling similar problems as an adult.
See More
Let’s invite many of the greatest boxers and their contemporaries to tell their own stories, some true, others tales based on history. The result is a fascinating look into the lives and battles of those who thrilled millions but often ruined themselves while so doing.
See More
In a rousing trip through the worlds of basketball and football, George Thomas Clark explores the professional basketball league in Mexico, the Herculean talents of Wilt Chamberlain, the artistry of LeBron James, the brilliance of Bill Walsh, and lots more. Half the stories are nonfiction and others are satirical pieces guided by the unwavering hand of an inspired storyteller.
See More
Get on board this collection of satirical stories, based on news, about the entertaining but absurd and often quite dangerous events following the election of President Donald J. Trump in November 2016 until January 6, 2021, shortly after his loss to Joe Biden.
See More
Join Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush and other notables on a raucous ride into a fictional world infused with facts from one of the roughest political races in modern U.S. history.
See More
History and literary fiction enliven the Barack Obama phenomenon from the African roots of his father and grandfather to the United States where young Obama struggles to control vices and establish his racial identity. Soon, the young politician is soaring but under fire from a variety of adversaries including Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh.
See More
These satirical columns allow startlingly candid Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush to explain their need to control the destinies of countries, regions, and, ultimately, the world. Osama bin Laden, Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Karl Rove, and other notables, not all famous, also demand part of the stage.
See More
Where Will We Sleep
Determined to learn more about those who fate did not favor, the author toured tattered, handmade refuges of those without homes and interviewed them on the streets and in homeless shelters, and conversed with the poor in the United States, Mexico, Ecuador, and Spain, and on occasion wrote composite stories to illuminate their difficult lives.
See More
In search of stimulating stories, the author interviewed prostitutes in Madrid, Mexico City, Havana, and Managua and on many boulevards in the United States, and he talked to detectives and rode the rough roads of social workers who deal with human trafficking, which is contemporary slavery, and sometimes used several lives to create stories, and everywhere he ventured he witnessed struggles of those whose lives are bound In Other Hands.
See More
In compressed language Clark presents a compilation of short stories and creative columns about relationships between men and women.
See More
Political Satire for Progressives
Available now in a single digital-only volume of four books: Echoes from Saddam Hussein, Obama on Edge, King Donald, and Down Goes Trump. In his signature style, George Thomas Clark combines satire and creative writing to illuminate many historic developments this century. Echoes from Saddam Hussein – Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush candidly explain their need to control the…
See More