How to Save the World

by Joe Six Pack

 Some of my neighbors opened their windows and shouted, “Hold it down, redneck,” when I bugled reveille early this morning. I bet most of them are liberals and other traitors.

“Go back to bed, cowards,” I shouted. “You can’t protect freedom whether you’re asleep or not.”

I know what to do. I finally got disability insurance approved for my permanent bad back so I’ve got plenty of time to follow the news.

First, I’d like to congratulate President Trump for liberating Venezuela from that narcotics trafficker Maduro. Yeah, I know his regime’s still in place, but Trump says we’re already getting a lot more oil from that dumbass resource rich country. I’m not sure how he already overcame the drilling difficulties, but he says even greater increases are coming, and I know our president never lies and rarely even makes a mistake.

I also want to thank our president for flying to Davos to tell the world he won’t invade Greenland as long as they give us all the bases we need to keep track of inevitable invaders from Russia and China. I don’t think he ever really planned to annex Canada. He was just testing them. But that would’ve been a helluva land grab. Anyway, we could do most of want we need to do in a future crisis. And I salute white and educated Canada for already having several military bases near the Arctic Circle, including CFS Alert, the northernmost base in the world.

 I admit no matter how many northern bases we control, we couldn’t shoot down every missile the Russians and Chinese would fire in an all-out attack. But they couldn’t stop all of ours either. So we’d all die. I’m not as fanatical as some liberals think. I believe in mutually assured destruction, better known as MAD. That won’t happen on Trump’s watch or when I’m still on earth but you’ve got to figure it’ll happen someday when an ignorant, power-hungry guy tries to start grabbing other’s people’s places.

I guess everyone knows the Abrham Lincoln aircraft carrier and its strike group are headed toward Iran right now. These big carriers wouldn’t last long against Russian or Chinese hypersonic missiles but they’re great when we need to scare or even strike some less dangerous enemies like the ayatollahs of Iran and their fanatical forces. I say we, along with Israel, should pound them and keep pounding and rile up the people of Iran and motivate them to overthrow the senile clerics and their regime that’s made their citizens poor and hated and cost many protestors their lives. Why should Israel and the United States tolerate a renegade nation that finances Hamas and Hezbollah and the Houthis and, even more scary, is trying to build nuclear weapons. We can’t have that. In the Middle East only Israel should have nuclear weapons, not counting those the U.S. brings in by air and sea.

Several months ago President Trump said his extraordinary strike destroyed Iran’s key nuclear sites. Now I guess he’s planning to hit conventional missile sites. I keep reading that Iran can “level” or “destroy” Israel with those missiles and do the same to U.S. military bases in the region. I doubt Iran currently has that capability, but they’re working hard on it. They don’t understand that the United States loves bombing and no one better bomb us.

Again, that excludes Russia and China, who I’m sure we’re not planning to attack. We better not be. They could incinerate our asses. President Trump doesn’t want that, not even to save Ukraine or Taiwan.

George Thomas Clark on Amazon