I’m having great time. I’ve got own television show, and no one can cancel. Who’d want to? Almost every Sunday I put on best show ever. I talk about politics and baseball and sex on “Alo Presidente” and then sing before discussing Christ – first socialist – and reminisce about military career as lieutenant colonel and gallant 1992 coup attempt. It failed but at end enemies gave me ninety TV seconds I used to establish Hugo Chavez as permanent emotional and political presence in Venezuela. After two years in prison people yearned to see masculine black Indian face and enjoy confidence and charisma. Now they have me hours at time, however long I want. It’s time for another song. Studio audience is delighted like people at home in bars and restaurants.

I’m focal point of everything in Venezuela, and have earned honor by combating and defeating bloodsucking rich at home and evil imperialists abroad. I bash enemies during speeches and ceremonies and other public appearances, emboldening supporters, who celebrate by painting giant murals with my image between Che Guevara and Símon Bolívar. People know I’m only one who can help. Like me they’re dark and poor and have for centuries been trod upon by lily Europeans who cower in guarded villas.
I guaranteed new Venezuela after won first presidential election in 1998 and began to rewrite constitution. That is, we the people rewrote constitution. Now president’s term of office is six years, instead of five, and I, or any president, can serve two consecutive terms. I won another first term in 2000 when nation voted to ratify changes. Legislative craftsmanship has been so rewarding am thinking about, and publicly discussing, remaining president until 2024 or 2030. When needed, you must serve.

People revere me as father of extraordinary network of social services. Now those in poorest areas get free computers, child care and adult education along with low-cost meat and medical care. Thousands of Fidel’s finest doctors, engineers, administrators, and security officials are enhancing revolution. Fidel often says he would’ve been even greater if had vast and wealthy nation to run, like Venezuela. Fidel knows I’m right man. And, incidentally, he’s recovering rapidly and already back in green fatigues.

Thank God Venezuelans have me at most critical time. With oil prices high, and billions rushing in, old guard would’ve devoured everything while ignoring poor who’re first in Chavez administration. They know we supply fifteen percent of oil imported by United States, and trust me to use money to empower them. They ignore enemy charges I should be investing money for long term instead of conducting public giveaways. You believe that? Ask poor who now have chance.

Rich are still rich but little less so. They certainly remain incompetent opponents, and were in 2002 when staged coup, arrested me, and installed capitalist lackey Pedro Carmona who endured two days to earn title “Pedro the Brief.” Fools. Why would people or army support reprise of greed and repression? They didn’t. They rallied in streets, and I returned in victory with news United States had backed coup. Perhaps George W. Bush didn’t actually support coup, but he knew. And he didn’t denounce unlawful overthrow of democratically elected government. I thought Bush wanted to spread freedom. He doesn’t. I love democracy and will protect for life.