Maintaining Energy  
by Donald Trump

I’m tired of our unpatriotic enemies taking photos of me slumped in my seat and snoozing during meetings. First, most of the time I’m not really asleep. I’ve merely closed my eyes to seal out the world so my super brain can operate with full nuclear power. All the time people tell me, “Sir, I’ve never seen anyone who can keep his accelerator floored so long. You must’ve been quite a lover in your day.”

“Hold it,” I say. “My physical and mental powers are still at their peak. I’m almost eighty but people should be worried about Melania. She often has to lock me out of her third-floor suite in the White House. If I break down the door, she retreats to Mar-a-Lago or Trump Tower and orders the secret service not to reveal which one.”

As you know, I’m dedicated to Americans and other peace-loving people around the world and must work quite late every night, firing boasts and threats that keep you motivated and safe and happy. So I admit that an occasional catnap, never more than thirty seconds, is necessary to keep my engines primed.

But I won’t let my enemies continue to portray my closed-eyed contemplations as senility or narcolepsy. From now on, in my unabashedly honest way, if I do need a half-minute of rest, I’ll simply climb onto conference tables around the world, curl up, and recharge. Just as importantly, that’ll give world leaders a chance to catch up. I don’t want them to feel bad they’re low energy compared to me.

George Thomas Clark on Amazon