It is my duty to speak and my nature to lead. Russians and all others respect the most fearsome martial artist who’s ever guided any nation and the special friend of a sensuous young woman. I bring strength, insight, and animal appeal into any environment I grace. Right now, more than ever, my stage is the world, and to the world I say I am appalled that fascist forces of Ukraine are surrounding cities in that intrinsically-Russian country and laying siege and bombarding defenseless people much like the Nazis did to Leningrad during World War II. It’s awful. It’s a disaster. The death toll is colossal, at least two thousand five hundred since spring. I must show the political strength and resolve of Stalin. I may have to unleash the martial might of Zhukov whose millions of brave troops, abetted by massed armor and endless supplies, annihilated the murderous forces of Hitler. I too am ready to defend my country. I am prepared to climb the ladder of history. Indeed, I already have. I am atop the world and can see everything as I tell the West not to mess with us. And don’t complain that, so far, modest amounts of Russian equipment have been sent into Ukraine and small numbers of Russian troops have fought beside brave insurgents seeking to gain their freedom from criminals in Kiev. Don’t be fools and conclude we will tolerate Ukraine becoming a member of NATO. Listen to me. Ukraine – the Eastern Front – means immeasurably more to Russians than it ever will to hypocrites in the West. Doubt that and you may get what we gave Napoleon and Hitler.