Turning Point

by Joe Six Pack

Way back in the eighties I got laid off from my construction job but that was lucky since one afternoon, drinking brewskis and watching some TV, I for the first time saw this tall young handsome guy, Donald Trump, who really inspired me as he explained most of our problems, including my unemployment and divorce, resulted from Japan ripping us off all the time.

From then on I made sure to watch and read about Trump as much as possible and learned that immigrants were also ruining our country, especially those from Mexico and Latin America, and other countries especially China soon became even bigger thieves and freeloaders than Japan and our so-called allies in NATO who didn’t want to pay their share for defense. Why should they since the whole world knew they were playing us for suckers and would’ve continued except Americans elected the best leader we’d ever had and, four years after his office was stolen, put him back in office.

I hated to let my latest wife see me so emotional but I couldn’t stop the tears when President Trump signed a fancy document and declared, “This is the turning point in American history,” and countries around the world know they can’t mistreat us anymore. The rules are right there in writing. China’s got to pay us a thirty-four percent tariff on all imports into the United States and Japan’s going to pay twenty-percent and Taiwan thirty-two and the list goes on, countries paying big premiums to sell their products to the most prolific consumers in history.

“Yeah,” my neighbor says, “but that means we’ll be paying more for stuff we’ve been getting cheap all these years.”

“It hasn’t been cheap defending the world and feeding immigrants and the homeless.”

“All those countries will retaliate, you know. China’s already hit us with a thirty-four-percent tariff.”

“President Trump’s got it figured out,” I explain. “Those high prices on imports will weaken the dollar and other countries will start buying more of our products and that’ll motivate us to manufacture things again and we’ll be even more powerful than during Trump’s first term.”

“I hope so,” he says. “I lost more than ten percent of everything I had in the first two days after The Donald announced his turning point in American history.”

Economic Genius

by Donald Trump

Don’t worry about this brief stock market downturn. It’s just a little medicine we need after so many countries abused us for years. I guarantee that’s already changing. I’ve received calls from at least fifty countries, and they’re being very friendly. Anyone who isn’t nice will be punished. Ask the Chinese. After they vowed to match my thirty-four-percent tariff to compensate for their massive trade surplus, I warned, “Withdraw that outrage by tomorrow or I’ll impose another fifty percent tariff on your imports and terminate all trade talks with you.”

Social Security

by George Thomas Clark

who the hell

elected elon musk

is he a nazi

what the fuck

is department of

government efficiency

who’s making sure

doge is efficient

are seventy million

senior citizens really

going to let a gang of

of fascist billionaires

steal their monthly

social security checks