Listen to me. I’m determined to kill a hundred thousand drug dealers and users and to fatten fish in Manila Bay where I’ll dump all destroyers of our children. I won’t actually be doing the killing and the lifting and dumping, of course. I’m president of the Philippines and before that was the feared and respected mayor of Davao City which I cleaned up by gunning people down. Stiffs in gutters don’t sell drugs. I mean it. But I’m not really saying Barack Obama is the son of a whore or that lots of other critics in politics, the media, and religion are the same. No, they’re just disrespectful people who must understand they can’t throw questions and statements in my face. I’m no son of a bitch.

In my first couple of months as president, my police and our vigilantes have killed about twenty-five hundred people. That’s the kind of action I promised. Filipinos who recently elected me would be outraged if I did less. My mandate’s clear, and critics here and elsewhere better learn to keep their mouths shut or we’ll be wallowing like pigs in mud. That’s not literal but a warning. Don’t fuck with me. I enjoy making threats and carrying them out and won’t be surprised if, at the end of my term, I’ve killed a lot more than a hundred thousand enemies.