The Mearsheimer Problem
February 5, 2026
The Mearsheimer Problem
by Stephen Miller
I’ve been warning President Trump that we must do something about John Mearsheimer, an academic who incessantly blusters on YouTube about the lunacy of our administration’s policies in Gaza, Ukraine, Greenland, Venezuela, Iran, and other vital points around the globe.
The last time I mentioned this to the president, he said, “Just deport him. You’re the best we’ve ever had at that.”
“I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t deport Mearsheimer.”
“Why not? His name sounds foreign as hell.”
“But he was born in Brooklyn.”
“Maybe his parents were illegal aliens,” said the president.
“I don’t think so. And it wouldn’t matter. Their son would’ve been an anchor baby.”
President Trump shook his head. “We’ve got to change that damn law.”
“I’m working on it, but there’ll be a struggle with Congress.”
“Congress has no right to interfere with my big plans.”
“I’m maneuvering to neuter Congress, but that requires much time and devious effort. Meanwhile, John Mearsheimer continues to damage us by saying your policies aren’t serious or rational. We need to discredit him right away.”
Pointing out the Oval Office window, as if aiming at Mearsheimer’s head, President Trump said, “What do you suggest?”
“We could launch an AI campaign that makes Mearsheimer look weird and robotic.”
“Do it.,” he said.
A few weeks later, the president summoned me and asked, “Have your destroyed Mearsheimer’s reputation yet?”
“I’m afraid not, sir. Despite the disconnect between Mearsheimer’s words and presence, we don’t think it has diminished his popularity. In fact, he sent a Substack email bemoaning the AI deception but noted that many of his colleagues didn’t notice the difference.”
The president tightened his jaw. “Does he know you’re the one behind this?”
“I doubt it, or he’d have said so.”
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