World According to Americans
June 6, 2012
Don’t know if they were godless communists or radical Muslims but some outrageous critters emailed world map insulting Americans.
On map they write we think Canada’s uninhabited. Bull feathers. We know few icy people live up there, and they sure as hell want to be like Alaska next door, which is now America except for Eskimos.
To south these cowards write on Mexico they do our laundry and lawns. Well, they do, don’t they? If they didn’t, they’d starve or kill even more of each other in drug wars.
On down in South America it says this is where our coffee comes from. What’s big deal? Map should also mention lots of cocaine and hot women.
Pussies is written on western and northern Europe, and that’s for damn sure because if not for us they’d be speaking German or Russian, which is still communist language.
Chinese are less scary since they make stuff we pay plenty for and hope they won’t turn on us or we’ll have to crush like we did Vietnamese.
Japanese are damned happy they make our TVs and cameras – dumb cartoonists left out cars – and don’t really have army because we’ll protect.
In India they’re thankful to answer our customer service phone calls so they’ll have plenty of money to buy weapons to defend against evildoers in Middle East.
Africans should be delighted we get big animals from there and don’t cage humans any more.
Way down in Antarctica no one’s going to say it ain’t cold, and we all know top of world’s home to Santa Claus, who delivers here first.