Victory Imminent  

by Donald Trump

I knew I had beat hell out of the Iranians and they’d soon capitulate and accept a two-week ceasefire and open the Strait of Hormuz and that’s exactly what they just did. Many great countries, including China and Japan, will soon have oil sailing toward their shores.

I’ve been more than generous with the evil Islamic Republic, especially when I called Bibi Netanyahu and said, “The strait’s open. The war’s just about over. You can’t bomb Iran anymore.”

“You don’t know them like I do, Donald,” he said.

“They’re getting to know me and understand they better follow my orders.”

“It’s not that easy.”

“Continuing this war is a political and financial loss for me even though it’s a great military victory.”

“You can tolerate a little more political and financial inconvenience.”

“Bibi, you gotta do what I say. Is that clear?”

“Okay, Donald. But I’m still going to pound Lebanon.”

I knew the Iranians would object. They always want war and demanded that Israel stop bombing Lebanon or they would again close the Strait of Hormuz.

I called Bibi and told him, “Don’t tell me to be patient. You be patient. You’re used to being the bad guy. Now you be the good guy and stop attacking Lebanon until I tell you otherwise.”

“That would endanger northern Israel and encourage continued violence throughout Lebanon.”

“I can’t guarantee you more money and munitions unless you cooperate. You got it?”

“Yeah,” he said, “but we’re going to occupy southern Lebanon.”

“We’ll deal with that later. Stop the bombing now.”

I conceived probably the greatest idea in my lifetime of incredible moves. I summoned General Dan “Razin” Caine, Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, and ordered, “Put however many ships you need south of the Strait of Hormuz, in the Gulf of Oman. We’re going to blockade the Iranians. All ships going to or coming from Iranian ports will be stopped by our navy, the greatest in world history.”

“Brilliant, Mr. President.”

Right away I started costing the Iranians billions of dollars every day and they protested and said we had to stop our blockade or they’d restart their blockade. If they do that, I’d probably have to resume my attack on Iran, and Israel would start bombing them again, and of course they’d resume pounding Lebanon. There’s no way Iran can win. I’m still ready to have more peace talks. The Pakistanis told me they’re trying to set up a huge round of negotiations. I appreciate their help and hope the Iranians understand the Pakistanis and I are trying to save them from annihilation, but they’re not cooperating and just opened fire on two Indian ships in the Strait of Hormuz.

I’m not going to let the ceasefire crumble now. I’m sending my three diplomatic aces, JD Vance, Jared Kushner, and Steve Witkoff to Islamabad right away. They’ll be negotiating with a team led again by Mohammad Bagher Ghalibaf, a guy I like and think has a lot of potential even though he recently said Iran and the United States are far apart on resolving their differences. I can make Ghalibaf and his country very rich as long as they don’t keep the strait closed and charge tolls or refuse to give me their enriched uranium. They can hand it over peacefully, or we’ll get it by force.

I jumped on Truth Social and announced I’m offering a very fair deal and hope the Iranians take it or I’ll knock out every power plant and bridge in their country. No more Mister Nice Guy.

George Thomas Clark on Amazon