“It is most ironic and unfair that I, a supremely righteous man and the epitome of moral rectitude for a generation of divine white conservatives, am currently being pilloried for making an immoral statement.  My statement was in fact taken out of context.  And that is the only immorality in this tale.  What I said was in this unmistakable context: a buffoon, like the millions who I’m paid to preach to over the radio, called my show and stated that abortions were bad because they’d prevented the births of millions of babies who would’ve grown up and paid into social security and made the system economically robust.  I, an eternal foe of abortions, nevertheless countered that using economic arguments to further an ethical point was very tricky.  And I offered an example of just how so by noting that if you aborted ‘every black baby in this country, the crime rate would go down.  (But) that would be an impossible, ridiculous and morally reprehensible thing to do, but your crime rate would go down.’

“What’s wrong with that?  Don’t accuse me of advocating genocide.  I clearly did not.  And don’t claim I was giving philosophical fodder to fanatics who might like to try my hypothesis – look right there: I said it would be ‘impossible.’  That’s right.  It couldn’t be done and it would be wrong and bereft of virtue and I know because I wrote ‘The Book of Virtues.’  I surely am not the problem.  The problem is liberals who pretend there was something offensive, even ominous in what I said.  The paragons of political correctness are braying again.  And they’re not only wrong, they’re moral weaklings who still don’t understand that today it’s irrelevant the ancestors of some were herded into this country in chains and enslaved a century or two then by law kept in servitude another hundred years.  They should’ve recovered by now.

“That’s what this is really all about.  Liberals are terrified of personal responsibility.  They don’t want to wait until marriage to have sex.  They don’t even want to get married.  And if they do marry, they often swap wives and screw around.  Then they divorce.  And while their children go on welfare, the parents take drugs and commit violent crimes.  They lack a moral compass and definitely need ‘The Book of Virtues.’  Anyone who writes such a book is obviously morally superior, especially when he’s been the Drug Czar and Secretary of Education.  My words must be read and listened to on radio and television and in countless speeches I give at the bargain rate of fifty grand a pop.

“Control yourself.  Be righteous.  Act like you’re white and affluent.  Go to school.  Connect with the right people.  Make a pile of money.  Then relax in a noble way.  Go gambling.  Be a high roller.  Gamble away at least eight million dollars during the last ten years.  What’s the big deal?  Gambling’s like drinking.  It’s okay if you can handle it.  I sure can.  Look at me.”