I rush into the art museum and within minutes feel thirsty and hot and dizzy. I spot relief in a painting called Giant Orange topped by a tall orange and black sign and staffed by a pretty young lady inside a huge orange ball below.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhaddya got to drink?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tShe looks at me as if I\u2019m from Mars and says, \u201cOrange juice.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cGimme the biggest you\u2019ve got, please.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tShe turns to a large counter covered with oranges, surrounded by boxes of more oranges, and cuts several in half before pushing them down onto a protruding glass device and turning them to hollow the oranges into juice collected in a bowl that surrounds the hollowing device. Several minutes later she hands me a huge glass of brilliant juice.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou guys sure have lots of oranges.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWe use several thousand a week in the summer,\u201d she says. \u201cThat\u2019ll be fifteen cents.\u201d <\/p>\n
\t\u201cFifteen cents?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cWe can\u2019t sell this for a dime anymore.\u201d <\/p>\n
\tI reach into my right pocket and my left and smile. \u201cI never carry change.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tAs she watches I retrieve and open my wallet before explaining, \u201cI usually don\u2019t carry cash, either. Here\u2019s my credit card.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tShe examines my plastic promise worth up to ten grand and says, \u201cWhat\u2019s this?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tQuite an ambitious young lady, probably not even twenty and already working on her comedy routines.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cIt\u2019s from the Bank of ____, finest in the land,\u201d I say. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cWe don\u2019t take anything like this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cAll businesses take credit cards.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cNot this one,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019re joking.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI\u2019m not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cAll right, I\u2019ll go to my bank and get the money.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cBanks are closed on weekends, sir.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tI show her my debit card. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cLooks just like your other card,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019re putting me on.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI told you I\u2019m not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tI gulp some of my orange juice. \u201cLet me handle this. My bank\u2019s right down the street.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThere\u2019s nothing within two miles of here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tI take another swig and say, \u201cRelax, I\u2019ll be right back.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou can\u2019t leave without paying.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cListen, here\u2019s a cell phone worth six hundred dollars,\u201d I say, activating the marvelous device and handing it to her. \u201cHold onto this as collateral.\u201d <\/p>\n
\t\u201cWhat is it?\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cMa\u2019am, your theatrics amused me at first but no more.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI need fifteen cents from your, sir, or I\u2019m calling the police.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cGo right ahead. The cops\u2019ll love this one.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tShe puts my phone on the small counter between us and turns to use a phone that belonged in a film from the forties. \u201cHe won\u2019t pay the Giant Orange. Please hurry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI\u2019ll be back with your money before the police arrive.\u201d <\/p>\n
I drink some more golden juice and turn not to the museum but a dusty parking lot where a man sits in a big old black sedan with a broad curving back forming the trunk. <\/p>\n
\u201cSir, excuse me. Someone\u2019s stolen my car.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHop in,\u201d he says. \u201cI\u2019ll drive you to the police station.\u201d <\/p>\n