In a sealed room somewhere bombs can\u2019t be heard, Vladimir Putin, standing by his chair, points to a table long as a bowling lane, and says, \u201cPlease sit down.\u201d <\/p>\n
\tVolodymyr Zelensky stations himself at one end and Putin the other. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cWelcome, President Zelensky. I trust you had a comfortable trip. As you know, I guaranteed your safety.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cSomeday you\u2019ll pay for what you\u2019ve done to our people and beautiful cities.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLike an imperious schoolmaster, Putin says, \u201cYou brought this on yourself. I shouldn\u2019t have had to pacify your neo-nazi nation.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tZelensky\u2019s features tighten. <\/p>\n
\u201cYou\u2019re a man without a shred of decency. My nation posed no threat to Russia. Your unprovoked attack is contrary to international law.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThat\u2019s the tragic naivete of a comedian who believed the applause and thought he could lead a nation.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI won a democratic election. That\u2019s why I\u2019m president.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019re president because you won a dance contest and told jokes on TV. And now you\u2019re a sensation on social media.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThe people voted for me, overwhelmingly. You can\u2019t say the same.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI certainly can. Even polls in the West prove I\u2019m overwhelmingly popular in Russia.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThen why do you jail your most articulate and capable opponents? Why do you suppress the media inside Russia?\u201d<\/p>\n
\tExtending a hard palm toward Zelensky, Putin says, \u201cWe\u2019re not here to discuss that. You should\u2019ve listened to what I\u2019ve many times said. We\u2019re not going to tolerate Ukraine joining NATO.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cIf we\u2019d been in NATO you wouldn\u2019t be in Ukraine.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cIn fact, I might not have had to intervene if you and NATO hadn\u2019t forever sought to put us in strategically vulnerable positions.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tAiming an index finger at Putin, Zelensky says, \u201cAll of Europe considers you a mortal threat. The United States, too.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cDon\u2019t point at me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tZelensky starts jabbing his finger.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cCan\u2019t the tough KGB judo man handle dissent? Even peaceful disagreement was too much for you, so you attack our hospitals and schools and churches, you attack our apartments and stores and restaurants. And \u2013 are you clinically insane \u2013 you\u2019ve just attacked a nuclear power plant.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThe responsibility for all that is yours, but you don\u2019t understand that.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI know what all Ukrainians feel, that we\u2019re free and would rather die than again have the Soviet boot on our necks.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tLooking tired and tense as the man at the other end of the table, Putin says, \u201cMany of you are dying, and far more will certainly perish as I tire of this senseless resistance and start using more and larger explosives to teach you about the real world. In that regard, President Zelensky, I should emphasize that your chances of surviving are quite poor and worsening by the moment.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI\u2019m ready to die, President Putin. How about you? No, your life isn\u2019t on the line, not yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou and your government will fall in two or three weeks.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tZelensky scoffs. <\/p>\n
\u201cI thought your conquest was supposed to be completed in two or three days.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019re cut off and can\u2019t survive long.\u201d <\/p>\n
\t\u201cI cry for my brothers and sisters, but I also feel for tens of thousands of Russians who\u2019ll perish because they believed your tales of being warmly welcomed. Instead, we\u2019re like the Russians at Stalingrad defending themselves against the Nazis.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tPutin shakes his head and says, \u201cThe Battle of Kyiv will soon be over.\u201d <\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou don\u2019t believe that. All your generals can\u2019t be lackeys. They\u2019ve told you that from our scorched buildings and behind the rubble our brave soldiers and citizens will shoot every Russian. They\u2019ll blow up your vehicles. They\u2019ll destroy your tanks. They\u2019ll shoot down your planes and helicopters. You Russians proudly called Stalingard the Graveyard of the Wehrmacht. I tell you today, Sir, that Kyiv will soon become the Graveyard of Putin\u2019s Army. And not just in Kyiv, in scores of cities and towns around our aroused nation. We\u2019ll also attack you on the open roads. We\u2019ll attack from behind trees. We\u2019ll set upon you from the hills and mountains. We\u2019ll send so many body bags back to Russia that your people will learn the truth, and when they do they\u2019ll remove you from office. That won\u2019t be pleasant. There aren\u2019t many retired dictators.\u201d<\/p>\n
\tSwinging his arm at the door, Putin shouts, \u201cGet your ass out of here.\u201d <\/p>\n