I love Black Friday, MY favorite event of year. After stuffing myself Thanksgiving Day I\u2019m ready to stand in A crowd of cold shoppers. We feel like Christmas is about here, panting, pushing, and groaning, and finally cheer when through glass we see them coming to open THE store. I\u2019m A pretty big guy, almost big as my wife, but feel a little scared being crushed by masses howling and lunging toward the door. It takes a long time to actually get inside, and once there we spread out and run and several people fall and get stepped on.<\/p>\n
\tI know right where to go. First, I\u2019m getting a bigger flat screen for wife in our bedroom. They\u2019re one third off, otherwise I\u2019d have to keep the one we have. That would be hell. I want the last one a punk\u2019s reaching for and bump him aside. He\u2019s about eighteen and hundred pounds lighter but pushes me so I headlock him and say, this baby\u2019s mine, and twist him onto the floor. Getting up I see some lady\u2019s trying to grab the TV but can\u2019t lift it. I squeeze shoulders and pull her away and then take what counts. She calls me animal and I say bitch. The punk returns with security guard and claims he was there first. We\u2019ll study security tapes, says guard.<\/p>\n
Good, I say, and head to men\u2019s clothes where my wife\u2019s trying to buy great winter coat. Some woman normal size but strong is pulling the coat, and it\u2019s a real tug of war. Usually I\u2019d watch but now jam hard cardboard box into woman\u2019s hands and break grip. You\u2019re garbage, she says. Knowing we\u2019ll have to forget other things on list, my wife and I hurry toward mob in checkout line where hope security won\u2019t find us. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I love Black Friday, MY favorite event of year. After stuffing myself Thanksgiving Day I\u2019m ready to stand in A crowd of cold shoppers. We feel like Christmas is about here, panting, pushing, and groaning, and finally cheer when through glass we see them coming to open THE store. I\u2019m A pretty big guy, almost…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[519,122,857,264,308],"tags":[],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\n