Can you imagine my tiny brother, President Raul Castro, who would\u2019ve cut sugar cane if not for my political power, ordering me to stay home during Barack Obama\u2019s historic trip to Cuba? I am still the embodiment of the Cuban Revolution. I am still, at least spiritually, the commander in chief. It is I, far more than any other, who for fifty-seven tense years has protected our homeland against a succession of American presidents determined to destroy us. Raul disrespects those heroic memories. He craves only the office I conferred on him when I was critically ill. I\u2019ve decided to retake my preeminent position. Though frail and almost ninety, I\u2019m still the most dynamic leader in the world as I enter this press conference I should be hosting. In back I listen briefly before my charisma enlivens the room \u2013 Raul\u2019s a wallflower \u2013 and raise my cane to receive cheers before rather slowly approaching the stage. <\/p>\n
\t\u201cI was listening on the radio before my arrival,\u201d I say, \u201cand am unsurprised by the ineptitude of you both.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cFidel, please leave.\u201d <\/p>\n
\t\u201cStand aside, Raul.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cPlease be dignified,\u201d Obama says.<\/p>\n
\t\u201cDid I hear the illustrious president of the United States rebuke Cuba for having political prisoners? Let me remind him that his country has illegally occupied Guantanamo Bay for more than half a century, and for many years tortured political prisoners there, on our sovereign land. The Cuban people want you out.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cFidel\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cShut up, Raul. Let me also tell our distinguished visitor his yanquis backed criminal dissidents doomed to invade our new nation at the Bay of Pigs in 1961. The following year you threatened to destroy us with nuclear weapons.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOn the contrary, Fidel,\u201d Obama says, \u201cthe United States activated all military forces because you invited the Russians to deploy tactical nuclear weapons under our chins.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cOnly to deter you from attacking us.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cIf Nikita Khrushchev hadn\u2019t controlled the weapons, you would\u2019ve started a nuclear war.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI was far more restrained than that and already focusing on your embargo that still strangles our socialist paradise.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cYou\u2019re too doctrinaire, Fidel. President Obama\u2019s here to see me.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cI do feel that Raul can be talked to whereas Fidel only talks at people. Incidentally, I\u2019d lift the embargo tomorrow but I can\u2019t get congressional approval until the Cuban government stops arresting those who speak freely.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cThey\u2019re emboldened to protest because my brother\u2019s a runt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\t\u201cHe\u2019s attempting, however inadequately, to be the statesman you never were. I urge you, Fidel, to acknowledge the Cuban people need good jobs, not more sloganeering.\u201d <\/p>\n
\tCocking my cane, I hobble fast as I can toward Obama and prepare to unleash a powerful baseball swing, aimed at his knee, when Raul leaps from stage, extending arms and body to land in my face and knock me on my back. I\u2019m stunned and can\u2019t move. I sense Raul can\u2019t either. I sit up as Obama counts nine and ten.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Can you imagine my tiny brother, President Raul Castro, who would\u2019ve cut sugar cane if not for my political power, ordering me to stay home during Barack Obama\u2019s historic trip to Cuba? I am still the embodiment of the Cuban Revolution. I am still, at least spiritually, the commander in chief. It is I, far…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"inline_featured_image":false,"_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_active":false,"_monsterinsights_sitenote_note":"","_monsterinsights_sitenote_category":0,"_uf_show_specific_survey":0,"_uf_disable_surveys":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[218,156,155,454],"tags":[],"acf":[],"aioseo_notices":[],"yoast_head":"\n