Yogi Meets Winston

September 24, 2015

Home » Commentary » Yogi Meets Winston

Right, I’m the gatekeeper now. Of course, in my case, that’s with a lower case g. The Big Guy says with the world’s population increasing so fast he’s got to turn the job over to someone else and tend to running this place. My instructions are pretty clear: don’t let in any bad guys, you know, murderers, rapists, robbers. He also said keep out the worst bureaucrats since they assault too many souls. I just interview people who worked with them. It’s pretty easy finding out who to exclude. Couple days ago I had the easiest choice in years. I opened the gates when he was a mile away and clapped when he entered. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t act like a Yankee fan but I am and asked for his autograph.

He said, “Sure, kid, what’s your name,” and signed my baseball: “To Joe, Heaven’s a great place. Yogi Berra.”

“By the way, where’s the ball game?”

“There’ll be one tonight,” I said.

“Think they’ll have a place for me in the lineup?”

“Let’s see, a three-time MVP who played catcher and hit three hundred fifty-eight homers and had countless clutch hits while being the heart of a record ten World Series champions, yeah, I guess they can find a spot for you. Behind the plate. None of that left field stuff. Most guys don’t like to catch.”

“I’m ready. Say, haven’t I seen that guy?”

“Yeah, that’s Winston.”

“Winston, you playing tonight?” Yogi asked.

“I’ll be smoking cigars and drinking champagne before and during dinner and thereafter sipping brandy. I have no time for children’s activities, especially those emanating from our North American colony.”

“Living like that, I’m surprised you’re living.”

“Perhaps you’d like to do a little verbal battle,” Winston said.

“Okay, as long as it doesn’t involve knives.”

Winston cleared his throat and expelled more phlegm than you care to know.

“This is no time for ease and comfort,” he said. “It is time to dare and endure.”

“It’s déjà vu all over again,” Yogi countered.

“Now is not the end. It is not even the beginning of the end. But it is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.”

“It ain’t over till it’s over.”

“The price of greatness is responsibility,” said Winston.

“I usually take a two-hour nap from 1 to 4.”

“Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.”

“When you come to a fork in the road, take it.”

“If we have a quarrel between past and present we shall lose the future.”

“The future ain’t what it used to be.”

“To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often.”

“In baseball, you don’t know nothing.”

“Never in the field of human endeavor have so many owed so much to so few.”

“I’m a lucky guy and I’m happy to be with the Yankees. And I want to thank everyone for making this night necessary.”

“I may be drunk, (Sir), but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly.”

“I may be ugly. I never saw anyone hit with his face.”

“You can always count on the Americans to do the right thing – after they’ve tried everything else.”

“We made too many wrong mistakes,” Yogi said.

“I like your incisive comments, Sir.”

“Thanks, but I don’t think I cussed that much.”

“You would’ve been a marvelous military officer in our battle of survival against the Huns.”

“I was only a machine gunner on a boat killing Germans on D-Day.”

“Let’s drink to that.”

“Sure, after the game.”

Sources – These quotes, the ones that really are quotes, can be found many places. I got most of the Yogisms from the New York Post and the Churchillisms from BrainyQuote.com.

George Thomas Clark

George Thomas Clark is the author of Hitler Here, a biographical novel published in India and the Czech Republic as well as the United States. His commentaries for GeorgeThomasClark.com are read in more than 50 countries a month.

Recent Commentary


HITLER HERE is a well researched and lyrically written biographical novel offering first-person stories by the Fuehrer and a variety of other characters. This intimate approach invites the reader to peer into Hitler’s mind, talk to Eva Braun, joust with Goering, Goebbels, and Himmler, debate with the generals, fight on land and at sea and…
See More
Art history and fiction merge to reveal the lives and emotions of great painters Vincent van Gogh, Pablo Picasso, Frida Kahlo, Diego Rivera, William H. Johnson, Lee Krasner, and many others.
See More
This fast-moving collection blends fiction and movie history to illuminate the stimulating lives and careers of noted actors, actresses, and directors. Stars of this book include Humphrey Bogart, Clark Gable, Marilyn Monroe, Bette Davis, Alfred Hitchcock, Clint Eastwood, Cate Blanchett, and Spike Lee.
See More
In this collection of thirty-eight chiseled short stories, George Thomas Clark introduces readers to actors, alcoholics, addicts, writers famous and unknown, a general, a lovelorn farmer, a family besieged by cancer, extraterrestrials threatening the world, a couple time traveling back to a critical battle, a deranged husband chasing his wife, and many more memorable people…
See More
Anne Frank On Tour and Other Stories
This lively collection offers literary short stories founded on History, Love, Need, Excess, and Final Acts.
See More
In lucid prose author George Thomas Clark recalls the challenges of growing up in a family beset by divorce, depression, and alcoholism, and battling similar problems as an adult.
See More
Let’s invite many of the greatest boxers and their contemporaries to tell their own stories, some true, others tales based on history. The result is a fascinating look into the lives and battles of those who thrilled millions but often ruined themselves while so doing.
See More
In a rousing trip through the worlds of basketball and football, George Thomas Clark explores the professional basketball league in Mexico, the Herculean talents of Wilt Chamberlain, the artistry of LeBron James, the brilliance of Bill Walsh, and lots more. Half the stories are nonfiction and others are satirical pieces guided by the unwavering hand of an inspired storyteller.
See More
Get on board this collection of satirical stories, based on news, about the entertaining but absurd and often quite dangerous events following the election of President Donald J. Trump in November 2016 until January 6, 2021, shortly after his loss to Joe Biden.
See More
Join Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, Jeb Bush and other notables on a raucous ride into a fictional world infused with facts from one of the roughest political races in modern U.S. history.
See More
History and literary fiction enliven the Barack Obama phenomenon from the African roots of his father and grandfather to the United States where young Obama struggles to control vices and establish his racial identity. Soon, the young politician is soaring but under fire from a variety of adversaries including Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Sarah Palin, Sean Hannity, and Rush Limbaugh.
See More
These satirical columns allow startlingly candid Saddam Hussein and George W. Bush to explain their need to control the destinies of countries, regions, and, ultimately, the world. Osama bin Laden, Dick Cheney, Condoleezza Rice, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, Karl Rove, and other notables, not all famous, also demand part of the stage.
See More
Where Will We Sleep
Determined to learn more about those who fate did not favor, the author toured tattered, handmade refuges of those without homes and interviewed them on the streets and in homeless shelters, and conversed with the poor in the United States, Mexico, Ecuador, and Spain, and on occasion wrote composite stories to illuminate their difficult lives.
See More
In search of stimulating stories, the author interviewed prostitutes in Madrid, Mexico City, Havana, and Managua and on many boulevards in the United States, and he talked to detectives and rode the rough roads of social workers who deal with human trafficking, which is contemporary slavery, and sometimes used several lives to create stories, and everywhere he ventured he witnessed struggles of those whose lives are bound In Other Hands.
See More
In compressed language Clark presents a compilation of short stories and creative columns about relationships between men and women.
See More