Barack Obama

Dick Cheney Speaks

June 17, 2013

Thank God I’m healthy and on TV to warn Barack Obama is lousy president and responsible for IRS persecuting conservatives and terrorists murdering several Americans in Benghazi. I, by contrast, am proud national security expert who protected you on 9/11 and strategic wizard who more than anyone, except underling President Bush, saved American lives by…

Barack Marijuana

April 7, 2013

Flanked by secret service agents I entered Oval Office and was stunned to see several people circled around presidential desk, inhaling, coughing, and passing pungent marijuana. As female aide placed joint to lips President Barack Obama lunged by three people, snatched smoke from her hands, shouted, “Intercepted,” and took deep drag he long held, as…

State of the Union

January 26, 2012

This story is from the collection “Obama on Edge”

Limbaugh Loves Kony

October 21, 2011

As child like thousands in Uganda I was kidnapped by Lord’s Resistance Army of Joseph Kony and tortured and raped and brainwashed for years as thousands died and am confused why free American radio talker Rush Limbaugh calls Joseph Kony Christian and attacks Barack Obama for trying to help us and through mangled lips I…

Michelle Obama Arms

October 9, 2011

your long arms squeeze

Hank Williams, Please

October 7, 2011

hank williams please goose step to a mirror before belching hitler

Getting to Madrid

August 9, 2011

My journey to Madrid began on a Sunday morning as I drove from blistering Bakersfield down Highway 99 toward Los Angeles and punched sports talk radio but heard an ESPN guy strain to be funny and cool but sounding lame: most jockeys lack comedic skills and can’t sustain the purported subject matter of their shows.…

Arnold Schwarzenegger Must be President

May 23, 2011

I know many of you believe I failed as Governor of California and am now indisputably a cur since I fathered a child, now age thirteen, with a member of my domestic household staff. You sympathize with my wife, Maria Shriver, because she long endured my infidelities and didn’t learn of this one until recently,…

Egomania Inside and Outside Libya

March 9, 2011

Let’s remember that Muammar Gaddafi is not the only egomaniac threatening to destroy the liberation movement of the Libyan people. While Gaddafi, using tanks and planes and semi-professional troops against brave but untrained and lightly-armed patriots, is starting to build momentum by regaining some recently-lost cities and territory, there are reports the dictator may be…

Franklin Roosevelt’s Assessments on the 70th Anniversary of World War II

September 1, 2009

Too often, I think, my fellow Americans view World War II as having begun that frightful Sunday morning December seventh, 1941 when carrier-based Japanese warplanes, in an unprovoked and dastardly attack on the United States fleet in Pearl Harbor, killed two thousand four hundred people, destroyed or damaged fifteen warships, and demolished almost two hundred…

Obama Activists Target Graffiti

January 22, 2009

The afternoon before President Barack Obama raised his right hand and strode into history, a few thousand action groups, summoned by an email Obama transmitted through his website, gathered in communities across the nation for the spiritual purpose of expressing unity and the utilitarian one of helping to rebuild a crumbling infrastructure.  In Bakersfield, California…

Lessening Political Addictions

November 3, 2008

My brain’s a self-flogged chunk of meat and my nerves tight because the Electoral College is an undemocratic and grievous institution that, to understand, requires daily tracking of polls in critical states.  Tabulating popular votes would be fair and easy, but the system insists it’s better to stew about who’ll get winner-grab-all electoral votes and…

Sarah Palin’s Biography in 2064

October 6, 2008

In honor of Sarah Palin, who would have been one-hundred years old this year, Shotgun Books is releasing Palin: Maverick, Stateswoman, and Mom.  The first chapter follows: Not since the evening Richard Nixon resigned more than three decades earlier had Republicans so dreaded a night as October second, 2008.  Even Democrats reached with trepidation for…