Let’s remember that Muammar Gaddafi is not the only egomaniac threatening to destroy the liberation movement of the Libyan people. While Gaddafi, using tanks and planes and semi-professional troops against brave but untrained and lightly-armed patriots, is starting to build momentum by regaining some recently-lost cities and territory, there are reports the dictator may be willing to leave the country he’s strangled and looted for forty-two years if his adversaries grant him and his family amnesty and permit them to flee with their money. That would be grand, if true, but the ever omniscient United States Government evidently does not consider that a satisfactory solution. An Assistant Secretary of State for Public Affairs named P.J. Crowley told the world on Tuesday that “any departure from Libya does not exempt Mr. Gaddafi or his family from any responsibility and accountability for what has occurred.”

I would tell Mr. Crowley to stick that statement up the orifice of his choice, but of course he’s a career lackey: he served twenty-six years in an air force that has murdered immeasurably more civilians than any other in history, and is only speaking for the regal President of the United States. I must therefore direct Barack Obama, whom I have steadfastly supported for a number of years, to cut the moralizing bullshit – and quit slaughtering women and children in Afghanistan and Pakistan – and let the Bedouin bastard out of his Tripolitanian cage, if he really is willing to stop shooting. In return for this common sense and humanitarian impulse, the international community may forgive Obama and his predecessors for their crimes against humanity.

Editorial Notes: The hidebound and thieving royal family of Saudi Arabia has decreed all public demonstrations are forbidden in that oil-distorted land.