Hafez al-Assad
Kerry Challenges Assad
We have unassailable evidence Bashar al-Assad gassed Syrian civilians in vile attempt to retain stranglehold on country. What we don’t have is war-winning military option. Americans don’t want to fight in Syria and neither do allies. It’s therefore incumbent on me, as decorated and oft-wounded warrior, to stand up and challenge Assad to hand-to-hand combat.…
Read MoreAssad Gas Company
Obama has red line between eyes that means I can use gas whenever. I don’t want to every day, only when I need to. Sometimes I need to gas children and other sleeping civilians who understand I must keep power. Only I am qualified to lead. Before I took over, only Father was fit. Syria…
Read MoreAssad Hangs
I’m not dork or mass murderer. I’m Syrian President for Life and with iron fist striking foreign terrorists agitating my people. This I decree during fiery speeches forcing everyone to understand father and I’ve ruled Syria forty years, lot less than forever enemies will have to wait for me to leave. Twenty million Syrians know…
Read MoreSyrian Military Headquarters Attacked
Please be responsible citizens of the world and ignore terrorists’ claims they killed about twenty men at our national military headquarters in downtown Damascus. I assure you none of my officers and soldiers died. Perhaps a few suffered minor injuries. The building itself did sustain some blasts and burns and had to be evacuated. That…
Read MoreConviction of Bashar al-Assad
i keep saying terrorists incited and abetted by foreigners are attacking our beloved syrian homeland and have convinced myself and hope you as well
Read MoreBashar al-Assad Can’t Stop
can’t stop shooting terrorists still firing can’t retreat or they’ll move in can’t have ceasefire till sure terrorists controlled by monitors from right countries
Read MoreBashar al-Assad’s New Hippocratic Oath
bashar al-assad distinguished opthamologist has revised hippocratic oath at gunpoint demanding doctors foreswear treating injured patients in syrian hospitals
Read MoreBashar al-Assad’s Minefield
why mine borders blocking those who want to flee imprisoned in syria they’ll slit your gut
Read MoreAssad Explains Siege of Homs
I’ve been reading international reports. People are saying I’ve sequestered myself with sycophants and yes men. They should be quiet and listen to the truth. I admit my opposition’s a bit broader than initially perceived. Quite a few terrorist-infected Syrians don’t understand the Assad dynasty must endure. To protect the country I’ve been forced to…
Read MoreBashar al-Assad Gets Tougher
i am not dork or mass murderer i’m president for life of syria and prepared to strike with iron fist those foreign terrorists who’ve been agitating my people this i decreed during fiery two hour speech forcing everyone to understand my father and i’ve ruled syria forty years lot less than forever they’ll have to…
Read MoreAwaiting First Lady of Syria
wife bashar al-assad often denounces israel when will she denounce husband
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