Chemical Weapons

Chemical Weapons – 8

March 12, 2022

All the time I hear Western reports that I’m tense and not as sharp or in control as I used to be. I guarantee that’s fake news. I’m a physical and mental fortress who’s always understood how to defeat enemies. Twenty years ago Chechen rebels used chemical weapons against us and I ordered our forces…

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Putin on Syrian Gas

September 14, 2013

Let’s be honest. I’m shrewdest politician in world. I maneuver into many terms as president, deftly gag dissenters, jail Pussy Riot female rockers who belittle Christ, and now I write columns for New York Times. If life weren’t so good in Russia I’d move to Big Apple and comment full-time. I have special insight into…

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Kerry Challenges Assad

August 28, 2013

We have unassailable evidence Bashar al-Assad gassed Syrian civilians in vile attempt to retain stranglehold on country. What we don’t have is war-winning military option. Americans don’t want to fight in Syria and neither do allies. It’s therefore incumbent on me, as decorated and oft-wounded warrior, to stand up and challenge Assad to hand-to-hand combat.…

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Assad Gas Company

August 23, 2013

Obama has red line between eyes that means I can use gas whenever. I don’t want to every day, only when I need to. Sometimes I need to gas children and other sleeping civilians who understand I must keep power. Only I am qualified to lead. Before I took over, only Father was fit. Syria…

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