All the time I hear Western reports that I’m tense and not as sharp or in control as I used to be. I guarantee that’s fake news. I’m a physical and mental fortress who’s always understood how to defeat enemies. Twenty years ago Chechen rebels used chemical weapons against us and I ordered our forces to bomb and shell them but be kind and careful in avoiding civilian casualties while we demolished their capital city Grozny. We lost many soldiers but eventually destroyed the rebels and Chechnya is now a happy republic of Russia.

During the bloody crisis in Syria fourteen years later the West tried to frame the legal government of President Bashar al-Assad, and by extension Russia and me, for killing people with chemical weapons. That was a lie. Rebels in Syria had unleashed the chemicals in amateurish fashion. President Assad never would have done that and neither would I. I backed Assad, bombed his attackers thousands of times, and never hit any hospitals or other civilian targets as our enemies claimed. As a result of Russian determination and skill, Syria is now a stable country.

Today I’m still a peaceful and prudent man who avoids hospitals and other civilian sites even as I struggle to save my country from geopolitical disaster in Ukraine where I’ve discovered the enemy, aided by the United States, has thirty biological weapons laboratories. I’m not going to tolerate this existential threat. I demand a hearing before the United Nations but the UN, stacked with American conspirators, insists the labs aren’t for weapons but to fight diseases and preclude pandemics. They can’t fool me. And I hope they’re not fooling you by saying Russia often accuses enemies of something, like chemical attacks, and then launches chemical attacks. That’s ridiculous. My Russia is a bastion of peace and committed to stopping biologically-armed Ukrainians from threatening the world.

This is a series of stories about the Russo-Ukrainian War