Creative Commentary
LeBron’s European Vacation
Despite trying to relax in and around a coastal castle magically backed by snowy Alpine peaks, LeBron James is tense during his European vacation. Every time he surfs he falls right off and is swallowed by massive waves. Efforts to hang glide invariably snap the cord connected to the speedboat and LeBron’s again deposited in…
Read MoreSummertime Love for Sacramento Kings
I like living in Lubbock year round and rooting for my alma mater Texas Tech Red Raiders in football and basketball but recently surrendered to my fifth wife, Melanie, who’s from Sacramento and during the seven months I’ve known her has been pestering me to buy a second home here so we can watch her…
Read MoreLeBron Updates Free Agency
Please ignore reports I screamed like an unanesthetized dental patient upon learning that stellar forward Paul George, presumed to be bound for the glorious Los Angeles Lakers, instead signed to stay a few years on the arid plain of Oklahoma City. I confess I did shout in pain but the source was physical rather than…
Read MoreIranian Art, David Hockney, and LACMA
Boyd, an art lover visiting California the first time in years, reads with increasing concern a two-sided handout titled: The Future at Los Angeles County Museum of Art, and waves the news at a museum employee. “What’s this? Almost half the galleries are closed and soon the others’ll be shuttered, too.” She smiles and says,…
Read MoreLeBron Analyzes Draft
Please don’t ask what I plan to do because at the moment I only know I’m going to make a few comments about the NBA draft, the most essential being: thank god for basketball and my flat screen TV on which I behold the huge image of seven-one muscleman DeAndre Ayton. If this numero uno…
Read MoreCampaign Mexico
i was running for mexican office in unnamed place but dropped out after cartels killed more than hundred politicians and many journalists
Read MoreDwight Clark: The Catch
Entering training camp 1980 the San Francisco 49ers had lost fourteen games two straight seasons and weren’t generating much enthusiasm in central California or anywhere else. Still, even as a temporarily disengaged fan, I wanted to learn a little about the team and didn’t change channels when a Sacramento sportscaster interviewed one of the players.…
Read MoreLeBron and Gilbert at the Summit
About four o’clock this dark morning five armored SUVs enter an Akron estate, a man in the first vehicle using an electronic device to open the wrought iron gate, and speed to the entrance of a mansion boasting more than thirty thousand square feet. At least ten camouflaged commandos emerge from somewhere and aim automatic…
Read MoreLeBron Hires Hypnotist
Siefried, the world’s preeminent hypnotist, proudly steps into the Cavaliers locker room after game three and says, “Where is LeBron? I’ve come to accept his congratulations.” “I’m right here, you charlatan,” says the star, stepping close and looking down. “I beg your pardon. Can you not count?” “I count fine. We just lost by eight…
Read MoreSteph Curry Rescues LeBron
After game two Dan Gilbert marches into the locker room of his Cleveland Cavaliers and tugs the back of LeBron James’ jersey. “Hey, we gotta talk.” “I’ll give you five minutes when we get back to Cleveland.” “You’ll talk now or I’ll suspend you the rest of this series.” “Sure, we’re down two-oh and I’m…
Read MoreLeBron Declares: Referees Robbed Us
Following game one of the NBA finals, it’s unfortunate fans can’t celebrate my masterful fifty-one points to lead the Cleveland Cavaliers to an upset over the formidable Golden State Warriors. Instead, we’re talking about obtuse referees who turned a great game into a farce. Late in the fourth quarter, I cleanly stripped the ball from…
Read MoreLeBron Previews NBA Finals
I’m thankful to be drowsy en route to dreamland where I can forget my body’s thirty-three-years old and tired from playing more minutes than anyone in the league and twice carrying us to playoff victories in game seven, and that almost everyone’s saying the Warriors are too good no matter what LeBron does, they’ve got…
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