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Fidel Castro Announces his Comeback

June 12, 2007

A little less than a year ago my imperialist enemies were prancing in the streets of Mafia Miami as they celebrated the imminence of my death, many even claiming I was already gone.  We can tell you now that I really was about dead.   I had one, two, three and more intestinal operations, all unsuccessful,…

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A Jewish Girl in Nazi Germany

May 16, 2007

During the Los Angeles Book Fair at UCLA in late April, sun-splattered readers roamed by the thousands, and scores stopped by Tent 106 to talk to three other authors and me about our books.  Mine is called Hitler Here.  It’s a biographical novel, and the cover bears a menacing, pencil portrait of the man in…

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Mexican Society Under Attack

May 9, 2007

I can’t offer you my byline or a dateline for this column, and I wouldn’t describe the scene outside my window even if the drapes were open. They’ve been closed a long time in Mexico, and I don’t think that’ll change soon. I’ve got to stay quiet and out of sight, two things a journalist…

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The Nightmare of Cho Seung-Hui

April 24, 2007

As a boy I couldn’t talk much and didn’t like it when people spoke to me.  I ignored them if I could.  They should’ve kept away; I hated their hugs and kisses.  I wanted to be alone in a desolate world.  When my older sister did not understand that, I’d hit her hard.  My parents…

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Chimpanzee Discusses Weapons Making

February 28, 2007

As Chief of Chimpanzees, I have the duty to assure our closest genetic cousins, and most unrelenting enemies – human beings – that though we chimps are developing weapons, we are not doing so to attack the kings of the earth.  Despite their paranoid nature, humans, I am certain, will believe me.  Their arsenals of…

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African American Activist Denounces Hate Crimes Trial

February 9, 2007

I hope you’ve been reading about the typical white racist attempt to just about lynch those ten black juveniles, including nine girls, falsely accused of stomping three young white women outside a haunted house last Halloween night in Long Beach, California.  When they were surrounded by a group of taunting, crotch-grabbing African Americans, the white…

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From Germany, a Comedy about Hitler

January 24, 2007

“Did you know they’ve been laughing about Hitler in Germany?” asked the publicist. “Now?” I responded.  “No, I didn’t.  They ribbed him quite a bit until he took power in 1933, and they still did once in a while later in the 30’s.  But they had to be careful.” “This is different.  They’ve made a…

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Victims of “Borat” Strike Back

December 18, 2006

Borat, the now infamous pseudo-journalist from Kazakhstan, beguiled many kind and trusting Americans into exposing themselves for his obscene documentary.  His victims have since been humiliated, scorned, beaten, sued and worse, and, as they align themselves for a landmark lawsuit, here for the first time they strike back at the man who so degraded them.…

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Discouraged

November 21, 2006

I’m not going to tell whether as security officer I serve old Baathists, new Sunnis, Sadr Shiites, Iranian Shiites, autonomous Kurds, Christians, or CIA operatives. I can’t tell you because I often don’t know. Look what happened November fourteenth – year doesn’t matter – at Ministry of Education research center: several dozen men driving pickup…

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Accepting Responsibility for Gang Violence

November 2, 2006

Driving home one recent night I inadvertently punched in a radio station offering the local news, that eternal barrage of murders, fires, and car crashes.  I would’ve turned to something more stimulating but was startled by the strident voice, half way to a yell, of a lady who in this story will be called Ann…

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Breaking the Fast of Ramadan

October 25, 2006

Dawn till dusk Ramadan adherents forsake food, drink, sex, and destructive behavior to “cleanse bodies and souls, empathize with less fortunate, embrace self-purity and self-restraint, cut themselves off from worldly conflicts, and focus on purpose of life by constantly being aware of God.” Month of rigor ends with consumption of dates followed by feast. Afterward…

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Hugo Chavez Show

September 27, 2006

I’m having great time. I’ve got own television show, and no one can cancel. Who’d want to? Almost every Sunday I put on best show ever. I talk about politics and baseball and sex on “Alo Presidente” and then sing before discussing Christ – first socialist – and reminisce about military career as lieutenant colonel…

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