I can’t sleep. I’m surrounded by nuclear-armed terrorists trying to enlist even more enemies. Of course I’m tense. You would be too. And I’m sick of impudent aides telling me I look tired. They don’t look so good either. I really don’t think I look that bad. I still exercise and have fine medical care and sit far from those who may be infected. I have to stay healthy to save my country. No one understands politics and diplomacy and intelligence gathering and military matters as well as I. Don’t be fooled by liars and reactionaries who claim I’m already bogged down and becoming isolated and unstable. This is only the fourth day of my campaign to liberate and cleanse Ukraine. We’re actually holding back and bombarding Kyiv and other targets as little as possible. I don’t want to kill civilians and destroy beautiful cities. I don’t even want to kill enemy soldiers. But understand: we can level any city we want. My restraint is all that spares Kyiv fiery destruction. We’re moving in. Miles of my soldiers and weapons are rolling south toward the capital and, unless the enemy surrenders, the Battle of Kyiv will soon begin. That will be harder than today occupying the southern city of Berdyansk, where a hundred thousand citizens didn’t argue much when my troops marched in and took control, but I think Ukrainians sense I’m a reasonable man.

This is a series of stories about the Russo-Ukrainian War